Along The Road

To summarize my previous post in one line: my most recent diagnosis has brought to my attention a deep-seated dread of suffering because I fear I will utterly cave to despair, but God showed me that should suffering happen (and it certainly will), He will be there to comfort me.  The Guarantee of Suffering There is a really dangerous philosophy and teaching out there that if you only believe enough, pray hard enough, give enough, be a good enough person, that God will reward you with health, wealth, happiness, and salvation. If only it worked that way; I could be the one in control. Unfortunately, control is an illusion, and for many, once they hit the hard reality that it doesn't work that way, they lose faith altogether. The good thing though is that my salvation doesn't depend on me being perfect enough! What a gift that He saves me on the basis of what Jesus did on the cross and all I have to do it put my faith in Him, choose to enter into a relationship, and follow Him.  ...

This is the part of the story where I wrestled...and where God met me where I was. Like He did for Jacob...and David...and Peter...and Paul. None of these guys were perfect.  All of them messed up. But God allowed each of them to experience His presence in life-changing, future-altering ways. Through my first breast cancer diagnosis, God had taught me some amazing truths. Hard lessons for sure, but so much growth. From that experience, I know that He oftentimes uses the trials to bring about deeper understanding, inner healing, and sharpening, so I suspected He was at work on that next layer of the onion in my soul.  After the initial rollercoaster ascent, plummet, and loopty-loop, it plummeted again. This time it was my own dang fault. I absolutely should have known better. It's the same stupid mistake I've made too many times. The result and consequences were no different than every other time.  First, let me back up several years. The course of treatment for my first b...

The Prayer of Saint Patrick I arise today Through the strength of heaven; Light of the sun, Splendor of fire, Speed of lightning, Swiftness of the wind, Depth of the sea, Stability of the earth, Firmness of the rock. I arise today Through God's strength to pilot me; God's might to uphold me, God's wisdom to guide me, God's eye to look before me, God's ear to hear me, God's word to speak for me, God's hand to guard me, God's way to lie before me, God's shield to protect me, God's hosts to save me Afar and anear, Alone or in a multitude. Christ shield me today Against wounding Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ on my right, Christ on my left, Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me, Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me, Christ in the eye that sees me, Christ in the ear that hears me. I arise today Through th...

It's been a while since I've written a blog post. Ok, like years really. It's not laziness or apathy. It's not that I'm too busy, if I'm honest. I think it's probably because writing blog posts was not on the list of priorities. When I very first started this blog at the beginning of our homeschool journey ten year ago, my thought was to document all of our sweet, little, learning moments and adventures. Ha! That didn't last long. Lack of follow-through and the tyranny of the urgent got in the way of that vision. Through my great mental health crisis of 2017 and breast cancer diagnosis of 2019, however, blogging became an outlet. More than an outlet really. As God was teaching me, shaping me, sanctifying me, the Holy Spirit was prompting me to share. Words and concepts would be rattling around in my brain, and I couldn't focus on much else until I put them in black and white and shared them publicly. I never wrote anything unless that burning urge wa...

I was 16 years old. I'd seen and experienced so many places across America and even Spain thanks to amazing, hard-working parents who prioritized saving and family memories. But Haiti was different. Haiti was a third-world country full of physical beauty and spiritual darkness. That mission trip as a teen truly shaped my worldview, my heart, and my faith. As a result, my empathy and passion towards the hurting and the lost grew.  It's been....let's just some  years since then. Jake and I try to live our lives on mission - loving our neighbors, helping those who cross our paths when we can, and teaching our girls and anyone else who will listen about the compassion and love of Jesus. And hopefully they are hearing and learning and will grow in similar ways. ...but there's something special and different that happens with an intentional mission trip too, and I want my girls to have that experience. Our church is very mission focused and has ministry partners all over this...

They were Jesus to me… The stranger who taught me that “God doesn’t waste our pain” The counselor that taught me how to breathe The nurse that prayed over me in my darkest hour They were Jesus to me… The friend who organized meals for our family The survivor who led me each step of the way The woman who cleaned my house after surgery They were Jesus to me… The friend who brought me medicine The one who vacuumed my house Another who stopped by with a gift They were Jesus to me… The pastor who prayed for me when I didn’t yet have the words The friends who sent me songs and notes The dear friend now passed who sent encouragement regularly though she was facing her own much greater battle They were Jesus to me… The sweet friend who prayed quietly over my children The pastors who prayed with us at the hospital The friend who sat with Jake in the waiting room for hours and then brought him food They were Jesus to me… The Aunt who sent me an encouraging text every single morning for over 6 we...